It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize