I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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