everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
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its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
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i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize