Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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