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My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
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