I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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