Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
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I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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