i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize