Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize