So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Randomize