When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
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My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
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Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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