new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
he shaved USA in his pubs
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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