you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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