and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
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Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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