yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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