I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked my hip out of place.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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