Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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