i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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