my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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