Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize