Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
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I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
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I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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