ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize