nut hugger
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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