I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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