It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
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4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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