Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
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I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
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Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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