I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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