well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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