I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
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Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
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