I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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