Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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