My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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