you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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