i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
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so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize