she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
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I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
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I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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