I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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