things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
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He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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