I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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