ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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