the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
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I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
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That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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