I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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