He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize