I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
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