I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
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I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
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I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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