I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
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I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
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Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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