i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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