You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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