He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
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We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize