Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
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I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
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Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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