But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
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my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
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Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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