the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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